酷儿们

看着Ben Whishaw从青涩的年代演着演着就有了胡须。。。

没变的是他灰蓝色眸子中深深的忧郁。

《故园风雨》中那个痴情的公子，散散地躺在湖边的草地上，说了很长的一段表白：我希望在这里埋下一罐金子，等老了的时候挖出来慢慢回忆。。。

大意如此，之间的一根烟呼吸间让之句话多了本.卫肖式的风格。

只看了两集，却知道“On the platform”一定是最精彩的。

你见过只有独白和面部表情的电影吗？

镜头一直停留在他阴郁而风霜的面部，眼神、口角以及英伦的发音的词语说出了时候的动作。

就像眼中一道流光闪过，对字幕上翻译的是流光。

跟着他缓缓的描述我们看见在金盏花和罂粟盛开的山坡上，一池湖水as clear as glass，身边躺着的Leslie是否是个暧昧的名字我不得而知，但我看到了本描述中大理石雕塑一样完美的侧脸，让人有想吻上去的冲动。。。

直到他的铁灰色眼睛里涌出泪水的那一刻，我知道并不是因为悲伤，而是认同的幸福。

也许他们再未谋面，但那又怎样呢？

那罐金子可以让他慢慢地回忆起一个阳光灿烂的午后、湖水边。。。

剧本来源：BBC官方网站 搬运/侵删Queers. s01e01 Episode ScriptThe Man On the PlatformDouglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.A bit of company on a wet Friday night.Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.At least, not last time I was at the flickers.It's always the eyes.That's how you know.A glance held just that little bit too long, dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.After the do, the, um, interview ..the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps, "chaps like you and the captain, know one another?" So I told him.Not my words, something somebody said to me once."A certain liquidity of the eye." That's how HE knew.My eyes are bad, mind you.Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate, so I was shunted onto hospital work."Cushy", says Sam."That's a charabanc holiday, Perce."You always wanted to see France, didn't you?" I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.Our guns were going hell for leather.The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.Horrible green.Like the air was sick.Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in, the ones that can't walk.And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.Like left luggage.Have you ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.Some chaps can get very heavy.Those that can walk into the hospital ..are covered in mud and salt sweat.Caked in it.All stiff and cracked, like moving statues, like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.Silence.Not a moan or a groan.They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.Smoking, breathing, just about.Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready, they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking, they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you? "It's like It's like witchcraft." "Sounds about right", he says, "since we're in hell." But he says it with a smile and when he does that there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand."You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me."You've all the tenderness of a woman." And he shakes my hand."It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?" He says, "Me."My name.Terence Lesley."Do call me Terence."I can't bear all this formal rot." But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so, "I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same." He just smiles again and shrugs.And his eyelashes are long.Long and blonde.I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap, but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher ..and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.Yellow as corn.And I must have stared because he grins at me and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says, "Come along, Perce, stir your stumps." But I don't move.And just for a bit Well, like I say, held just a just a moment too long.Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.There you go.HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY I've always been a skinny bugger, me.Thin as a whip, Mother says.Father was the same.Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me, and there was one before us.A boy.But he died.He was called Percy, an' all.Poison berries.Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book, all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and ..that was that.Box, I think, the berries.Black, like little bullets.Like liquorice sweeties.Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that, along comes I and they call me Percy, too.A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid, but Mother always said that she could see him in me.And she looks so funny when she says that to me ..and she looks so sad.But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was another time she looked at me the same way.It was freezing, I remember that.We was waiting for a train.Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.We were to come with and make a day of it.I was 15, thereabouts.Albert was 12.I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in," so I say to the girl behind the tea stall, pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair, I ask her to get a shift on.She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another "quarter of an hour." So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?" And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.Policemen, at least I think they're policemen, but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.And between them, well, aa prisoner ..waiting to be taken away, I suppose.And it's not the first time I've seen as such.I used to see them a lot, poor bastards, shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap, sort of like a big bear of a fella.With a big slack, pouchy face.Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now, and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat is now shot through with grey.And he looks wretched.As well he might.There's rain dripping off his hair and down the creases in his big face.And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.And then he looks at me.And there it was.In that moment ..a certain liquidity of the eye.And then he looks back down at his boots and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.I stand there.And I think, "He knows me."He knows me for what I am."He can see it in me." And I start to shake.And it's not from the cold, it's shame.And fear and ..terror.And someone starts laughing.And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man as if he were like to eat her up.And then I hear it, a name.Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold."It's him, isn't it?" And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says, "You all right, Perce?" And he's proper worried.And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he He spits in his face.And Dad looked shocked.And just then, the train comes puffing into the station, steam everywhere.And I look back to the prisoner, but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.It smells of damp wool and musty, like church, and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of ..snaps me out of it."What was all that fuss about there, Clem?" And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his Kitchener 'tashe."You won't believe it," he says."Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison" "Who?" pipes up Albert.And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder."Oscar Wilde!" he says.And then Mum looks at me.Tender, like I've never had the nerve.That's the thing, I suppose.A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother I could always imagine Mother's face if she found out I'd been up to things.And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.I kept my own counsel, as they say.Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.Annie.And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.We courted for a long while, but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then, what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow, I got away with it.A lot of questions, of course.Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together for the first time."You married?" "No." "You got a girl?" "Well, I used to." And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.Hot as hell it was.Not what you think.People think of all that mud and rain, but we was there the live long year and sometimes it was hot and parched.Fucking flies everywhere.Blue and green bellies on them.Fat.Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.And Captain Leslie comes up to me and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says, "Come along, Perce, we're going hunting." And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies", because we're camped on this sort of downland.And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.I can still taste the dust.Chalky in your mouth and your hair and ..on the Dunlop tyres like white paint, because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.And it was only for a few hours but you could forget, you know, for a bit, everything that was going on.And we came to this sort of lake.It was a crater hole, I suppose, and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.And he's brick red from the sunshine, but not where his shirt's been, so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is He's like a ghost.And after we've swum about, we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies, so that's all right, and I just ..lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and ..his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.And his hair is golden.And the line of his jaw is just sort of ..perfect.Like a draughtsman's drawn it.Like I'd drawn it.And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.And all I want to do is bend down and And he opens his eyes ..and squints.And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.And he says, "We'd best be getting back." We all had on us the stench of death.The bread we ate, the stagnant water, everything we touched had a rotten smell.But that day, everything was OK.It was bright.And it was pure, you see? And nobody had seen, had they? I've done my bit.The officer mentioned that.Exemplary service.When he took me aside for a quiet word.And of course, what had Terence and me What had the Captain and me ..got up to? Sweet FA.But someone had seen us and ..they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?" And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I? Because he'd been transferred, too.I was packed onto this carriage ..sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.I don't know how much time has passed, but I wake up and it's dark outside.And the train's pulling into a station and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.They make everyone look three-parts dead.And the train pulls into the station and it's going slow, like, puffing, like some of them boys in the resus tent.And then, I do see him.Terence.He's out the window, on the platform.Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.And he's talking to someone.And they must have made him laugh cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.But he don't see me.So I push through the carriage past the other fellas and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me, but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash ..and the air outside is warm.And all I want to do is wave.But, of course, what can I say? Um "So long, Captain Leslie?" "So long, Perce." But then he does see me.He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal and just then the train lurches forward.The brakes go on and the blue lights go out and just like that, pitch-black.And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go," but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.And the darkness pressing against the window and my hand gripping the window ledge.And then someone takes my hand.Someone outside on the platform.And it's Terence.And he takes my hand and he just ..lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.There's just his bramble lips pressed against the tips of my fingers ..and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.And then the train lurches forward and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and Outside there's nothing but steam.Steam and darkness.Next Episode >Queers. Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts

《酷儿们》一个人，在你对面坐下，有条不紊地整理一下衣服，故事就开始了。

他们开始诉说一些事，温柔的洒脱的，优伤的释然的，没有特效，没有粉饰，只有一双直视你的眼睛。

只能说艺高人胆大，这样的表演单薄吗？

完全不，它简单，却丰满。

一豆灯光一个长镜头几个分镜，整整二十分钟，你只能静静看着那人的独白，8集，120分钟的时间里一段百年历史就在你面前倏忽而过。

这部剧选定的是比较敏感的特定人群，但得高分与猎奇的心态并无关系，剧中每个人都生动。

故事没有从多么宏大的地方入手，而是从个体的角度展开，再慢慢晕染出大的环境。

在那些讲述里我们能体验到温度，闻到迎面飘来的各种味道，耳边有火车的汽笛声，手边能感知到挣扎的力度。

当然在这么聚焦式的表演中，演员的功力也是高下立见。

“I'd miss you,Alice.”第四集里当男主说出这句话时虽然有释怀和感动，但我也知道，他们究竟是两类人，不管时间怎么延续下去他们也不可能有牵起手的那一天。

多年的相处只是共同抵抗那些恶意时对彼此的支撑，当外部压力消散时，那股力量也消失了。

我会想念你的，但是再见，从此再也不见了吧，那些不堪的过去，也不要再对我提起。

最后一集男主提到王尔德时，说大学期间去养老院遇见一个盲眼老人很喜欢王尔德，还说曾见过王尔德一次，很明显说的就是第一集的男主，他说到过自己眼睛有问题了才被调到医院工作，十五岁时曾在火车站见过被收监的王尔德。

时代不同，一个被迫与爱人分开，孤老一生。

一个遇见所爱，步入婚姻。

很心酸。

希望我们国家不要再谈同色变，现在B站同性接吻的镜头甚至台词都得厚码或者剪掉才能过审，远远不如从前的接受度大，在同性问题上并没有日渐宽容，反而收紧。

希望我们的社会早日意识到这个问题，不要让更多的人迫于时代的压力错过所爱，希望我能够看到我国同性婚姻合法那一天，不要让我等太久，拜托了。

不要再让更多的爱流离失所。

第四集的最后的一句I'd miss you Alice之后短短一秒实在太精彩了，像是将这位同妻的矛盾的一生做成了一个微缩模型。

先是紧紧抿着的强颜欢笑的嘴角，然后是一瞬间怅然若失的眼神又很快变成如释重负般舒展开的表情。

多年的相伴让他对Michael充满依恋，但也正是因为多年相伴对丈夫的了解，其实她心里对丈夫是否会离开早有答案，但是却不愿意接受这个答案。

但当Michael真的说出”我会想你的”决定离开时，她却有种如释重负的复杂心情，我想也许是不用再活在那种Michael依然需要我的自欺欺人中的解脱吧。

剧本来源：BBC官方网站 搬运/侵删Queers. s01e01 Episode ScriptThe Man On the PlatformDouglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.A bit of company on a wet Friday night.Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.At least, not last time I was at the flickers.It's always the eyes.That's how you know.A glance held just that little bit too long, dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.After the do, the, um, interview ..the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps, "chaps like you and the captain, know one another?" So I told him.Not my words, something somebody said to me once."A certain liquidity of the eye." That's how HE knew.My eyes are bad, mind you.Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate, so I was shunted onto hospital work."Cushy", says Sam."That's a charabanc holiday, Perce."You always wanted to see France, didn't you?" I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.Our guns were going hell for leather.The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.Horrible green.Like the air was sick.Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in, the ones that can't walk.And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.Like left luggage.Have you ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.Some chaps can get very heavy.Those that can walk into the hospital ..are covered in mud and salt sweat.Caked in it.All stiff and cracked, like moving statues, like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.Silence.Not a moan or a groan.They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.Smoking, breathing, just about.Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready, they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking, they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you? "It's like It's like witchcraft." "Sounds about right", he says, "since we're in hell." But he says it with a smile and when he does that there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand."You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me."You've all the tenderness of a woman." And he shakes my hand."It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?" He says, "Me."My name.Terence Lesley."Do call me Terence."I can't bear all this formal rot." But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so, "I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same." He just smiles again and shrugs.And his eyelashes are long.Long and blonde.I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap, but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher ..and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.Yellow as corn.And I must have stared because he grins at me and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says, "Come along, Perce, stir your stumps." But I don't move.And just for a bit Well, like I say, held just a just a moment too long.Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.There you go.HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY I've always been a skinny bugger, me.Thin as a whip, Mother says.Father was the same.Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me, and there was one before us.A boy.But he died.He was called Percy, an' all.Poison berries.Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book, all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and ..that was that.Box, I think, the berries.Black, like little bullets.Like liquorice sweeties.Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that, along comes I and they call me Percy, too.A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid, but Mother always said that she could see him in me.And she looks so funny when she says that to me ..and she looks so sad.But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was another time she looked at me the same way.It was freezing, I remember that.We was waiting for a train.Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.We were to come with and make a day of it.I was 15, thereabouts.Albert was 12.I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in," so I say to the girl behind the tea stall, pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair, I ask her to get a shift on.She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another "quarter of an hour." So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?" And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.Policemen, at least I think they're policemen, but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.And between them, well, aa prisoner ..waiting to be taken away, I suppose.And it's not the first time I've seen as such.I used to see them a lot, poor bastards, shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap, sort of like a big bear of a fella.With a big slack, pouchy face.Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now, and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat is now shot through with grey.And he looks wretched.As well he might.There's rain dripping off his hair and down the creases in his big face.And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.And then he looks at me.And there it was.In that moment ..a certain liquidity of the eye.And then he looks back down at his boots and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.I stand there.And I think, "He knows me."He knows me for what I am."He can see it in me." And I start to shake.And it's not from the cold, it's shame.And fear and ..terror.And someone starts laughing.And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man as if he were like to eat her up.And then I hear it, a name.Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold."It's him, isn't it?" And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says, "You all right, Perce?" And he's proper worried.And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he He spits in his face.And Dad looked shocked.And just then, the train comes puffing into the station, steam everywhere.And I look back to the prisoner, but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.It smells of damp wool and musty, like church, and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of ..snaps me out of it."What was all that fuss about there, Clem?" And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his Kitchener 'tashe."You won't believe it," he says."Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison" "Who?" pipes up Albert.And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder."Oscar Wilde!" he says.And then Mum looks at me.Tender, like I've never had the nerve.That's the thing, I suppose.A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother I could always imagine Mother's face if she found out I'd been up to things.And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.I kept my own counsel, as they say.Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.Annie.And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.We courted for a long while, but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then, what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow, I got away with it.A lot of questions, of course.Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together for the first time."You married?" "No." "You got a girl?" "Well, I used to." And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.Hot as hell it was.Not what you think.People think of all that mud and rain, but we was there the live long year and sometimes it was hot and parched.Fucking flies everywhere.Blue and green bellies on them.Fat.Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.And Captain Leslie comes up to me and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says, "Come along, Perce, we're going hunting." And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies", because we're camped on this sort of downland.And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.I can still taste the dust.Chalky in your mouth and your hair and ..on the Dunlop tyres like white paint, because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.And it was only for a few hours but you could forget, you know, for a bit, everything that was going on.And we came to this sort of lake.It was a crater hole, I suppose, and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.And he's brick red from the sunshine, but not where his shirt's been, so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is He's like a ghost.And after we've swum about, we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies, so that's all right, and I just ..lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and ..his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.And his hair is golden.And the line of his jaw is just sort of ..perfect.Like a draughtsman's drawn it.Like I'd drawn it.And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.And all I want to do is bend down and And he opens his eyes ..and squints.And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.And he says, "We'd best be getting back." We all had on us the stench of death.The bread we ate, the stagnant water, everything we touched had a rotten smell.But that day, everything was OK.It was bright.And it was pure, you see? And nobody had seen, had they? I've done my bit.The officer mentioned that.Exemplary service.When he took me aside for a quiet word.And of course, what had Terence and me What had the Captain and me ..got up to? Sweet FA.But someone had seen us and ..they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?" And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I? Because he'd been transferred, too.I was packed onto this carriage ..sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.I don't know how much time has passed, but I wake up and it's dark outside.And the train's pulling into a station and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.They make everyone look three-parts dead.And the train pulls into the station and it's going slow, like, puffing, like some of them boys in the resus tent.And then, I do see him.Terence.He's out the window, on the platform.Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.And he's talking to someone.And they must have made him laugh cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.But he don't see me.So I push through the carriage past the other fellas and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me, but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash ..and the air outside is warm.And all I want to do is wave.But, of course, what can I say? Um "So long, Captain Leslie?" "So long, Perce." But then he does see me.He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal and just then the train lurches forward.The brakes go on and the blue lights go out and just like that, pitch-black.And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go," but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.And the darkness pressing against the window and my hand gripping the window ledge.And then someone takes my hand.Someone outside on the platform.And it's Terence.And he takes my hand and he just ..lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.There's just his bramble lips pressed against the tips of my fingers ..and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.And then the train lurches forward and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and Outside there's nothing but steam.Steam and darkness.Next Episode >Queers. Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts Queers. s01e02 Episode ScriptA Grand Day OutThere's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.You know, just round A couple of streets from here.Does completely veggie.I had a falafel.It was nice.It was OK.Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.Ah, shit.Oh, well.Two fellas over there.Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.There would be some honesty in that.We hate you and, you know, piss off.At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.It's impressive when you see it.The House of Commons.Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.I just come down on my own.I wasn't planning to.I hadn't thought of it, really.I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.I should go." You know, show them that we count.You know, we do exist.It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.I just knew he was important, Jarman.I've seen his version of The Tempest.It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.I never even knew they were a thing.And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.I haven't watched it yet.That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.Morons.There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.Daz.All he'd talk about was wanking.You know, he was obsessed.It's all he went on about.And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.Wanking or punching.And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like."This is like1984." I couldn't wait to leave.I ran from that place.Well, metaphorically.Well, literally.They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.I hated it.We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.Most people were in groups, actually.I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.There were some banners and signs and people had candles.You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.I saw him looking.Caught his eye.Looked back.He was You know, he was lovely.I can be a bit shy.And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.You know, 200.Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.I don't know anyone else who's gay.And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people." And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.And I know you shouldn't do that.And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.That's the point.And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know ..ten minutes.Then everyone went home.And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.That's kind of interesting, the distortion.I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.We were all just fed up.And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.That's his name, Marcus.Of course it is, sorry."Mar-cous".We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.It was a bit Not It was OK.I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.It's not snobby.I'm not a snob.My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not ..you know, posh.Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.He's a lot older than me.He's 30, but he was You know, nice.He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.He had this jam that's made without any sugar.And we talked a bit.He said he'd been on a few marches and things.You know, not just gay, but other stuff.Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now." You know, because I'm 18.I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.But when he came back in the living room with the bedding ..he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.The duvet didn't have a cover on it.The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it." So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.He's all right.He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.And that seemed to go down well.And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude." But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock." But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.And Sean.We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.I almost wished he wouldn't.I almost wanted him to just go for it.Almost.And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.It didn't seem as important as it might have done.I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.I had a real coffee earlier.I think it's kicking in.There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now." You know, fucking And that felt great.Oh, I felt great.You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.I wasn't dwelling on them.I'm not a pervert.But it did give it a A frisson.HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.I've only ever seen it written down.That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and ..all I could think was .."I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.Have you tried it? I had some once.I wouldn't go mad.It's not really a substitute.He's got his hand on his leg now.Those two blokes.It's just nice to see.You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.They won't be expecting me to be on it.They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.You know, it was good fun.It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 ..then I'd have gone straight home.< Previous EpisodeNext Episode > Queers. s01e02 Episode ScriptA Grand Day OutThere's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.You know, just round A couple of streets from here.Does completely veggie.I had a falafel.It was nice.It was OK.Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.Ah, shit.Oh, well.Two fellas over there.Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.There would be some honesty in that.We hate you and, you know, piss off.At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.It's impressive when you see it.The House of Commons.Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.I just come down on my own.I wasn't planning to.I hadn't thought of it, really.I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.I should go." You know, show them that we count.You know, we do exist.It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.I just knew he was important, Jarman.I've seen his version of The Tempest.It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.I never even knew they were a thing.And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.I haven't watched it yet.That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.Morons.There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.Daz.All he'd talk about was wanking.You know, he was obsessed.It's all he went on about.And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.Wanking or punching.And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like."This is like1984." I couldn't wait to leave.I ran from that place.Well, metaphorically.Well, literally.They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.I hated it.We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.Most people were in groups, actually.I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.There were some banners and signs and people had candles.You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.I saw him looking.Caught his eye.Looked back.He was You know, he was lovely.I can be a bit shy.And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.You know, 200.Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.I don't know anyone else who's gay.And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people." And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.And I know you shouldn't do that.And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.That's the point.And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know ..ten minutes.Then everyone went home.And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.That's kind of interesting, the distortion.I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.We were all just fed up.And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.That's his name, Marcus.Of course it is, sorry."Mar-cous".We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.It was a bit Not It was OK.I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.It's not snobby.I'm not a snob.My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not ..you know, posh.Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.He's a lot older than me.He's 30, but he was You know, nice.He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.He had this jam that's made without any sugar.And we talked a bit.He said he'd been on a few marches and things.You know, not just gay, but other stuff.Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now." You know, because I'm 18.I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.But when he came back in the living room with the bedding ..he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.The duvet didn't have a cover on it.The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it." So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.He's all right.He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.And that seemed to go down well.And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude." But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock." But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.And Sean.We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.I almost wished he wouldn't.I almost wanted him to just go for it.Almost.And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.It didn't seem as important as it might have done.I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.I had a real coffee earlier.I think it's kicking in.There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now." You know, fucking And that felt great.Oh, I felt great.You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.I wasn't dwelling on them.I'm not a pervert.But it did give it a A frisson.HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.I've only ever seen it written down.That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and ..all I could think was .."I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.Have you tried it? I had some once.I wouldn't go mad.It's not really a substitute.He's got his hand on his leg now.Those two blokes.It's just nice to see.You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.They won't be expecting me to be on it.They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.You know, it was good fun.It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 ..then I'd have gone straight home.< Previous EpisodeNext Episode >

Queers 松散的结构之下，其实是编剧有意为 LGBTQ 群体与群体之外的其他人找到了一种新的联系。

将视角放到更高的地位，看似 8 集毫不相干的不同主角的碎碎念，实际讲述了在各个重大历史事件之中，LGBTQ 群体所扮演的角色，尤其是影响了世界格局的一战二战，他们所冀盼的和平，和普通人无异，他们的付出，也不少于你和我。

1st Episode月台上的男人时间点放在一战背影的第一集无论是选角还是故事编排，我个人都觉得是8集里质量最高的。

故事编排工整，用主人公 Perce 人生中的两次月台之上的所见所闻，一方面勾画出了历史上著名的王尔德事件，同时也完成对自己的救赎。

本喵贡献了超出以往的高水平表演，文弱书生的气质也着着实实适合代入这种看似柔弱、实际倔强的角色。

初始颇为碍眼的浓密的胡子 mustache 随着独白的深入，竟然也和角色浑然一体了。

用王尔德事件作为开篇绝不是偶然，因为事件不仅仅将 LGBT 群体由黑暗阴影之中第一次推向耀眼白光之下，更是人类性解放运动的开端。

“对于这种爱的名字，本世纪无人敢于提及。

然而它是一名年长男子对于一名年轻男子所产生的极其伟大的感情，就像大卫和乔纳森，就像柏拉图哲学理论的基础，就像你从米开朗琪罗和莎士比亚的作品中所发现的精神。

它是深刻的精神之爱，既纯洁又完美。

”虽然没有任何场景，但本喵极富感染力的音调、恰到好处的表情克制和所述故事的细腻，让整个独白画面感非常强，犹如情景重现，细枝末叶都看得清清楚楚，甚至不知不觉在脑海里对王尔德的脸（未出镜）都有了一个更为具象的脸谱想像。

其中所描述的关于如何辨识同类，放之于任何男女之间的一见钟情，更是有异曲同工之妙。

“It's always the eyes. That's how you know. A glance held just that a little bit too long, dragged off to the one side, like the trail of a very light in the dark.眼神是最能辩明身份的。

多停留一秒、旋即抽神而去的目光，就如黑暗中那白日焰火般明了，两人心照不宣。

”2nd Episode出柜的好日子A Great Day Out 讲述了英国 LGBT 史上突破性的一刻，1994 年英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调到 18 岁双方同意的同性恋行为就不算犯法。

本集 17 岁主角 Andrew 的扮演者是诺兰毁誉参半的新片 Dunkirk 的男主角 Fionn Whitehead，依然是借由普通人的口吻来讲述最激烈的革命。

在独白中 Andrew 所说的那一句“仅仅被人忍受是不够的”刺穿了英国国会这一妥协的荒谬之处。

I don't want to be tolerated. 当然了，有进步总是好的。

3rd Episode袖手旁观的愤怒小狼的盛世美颜在第 3 集镇场，用一个演员自我读白来折射出 80 年代令人绝望的 AIDS 大爆发，AIDS 的爆发在当时被视作比癌症更为严重的洪水猛兽，但真正令人绝望的是政府对此的不作为。

其所扮演的演员 Phil 以扮演绝症患者为生，究竟在生命的最后一刻会怎么样的情绪，于个人可能更多的是会不会在痛苦中死去、死亡的过程会不会很快，又或者万一活了下来又会怎么样；但对于整个社会，可能更多的是对其不作为的愤怒。

4th Episode想念爱丽丝说到同性恋，同妻这个群体就不得不提及。

这是一个涉及到互相伤害、利益、世俗、情与欲的范畴。

无独有偶，BBC 最近也出了一个两集长度的《橘衫男子》，里面就有大量的关于同妻的描述。

你会觉得同妻所能获得的性生活很少，但实际并不然，真正将她们与快乐隔绝开来的是，是本来最能获得亲密的行为却在她们身上最大程度上烙下了伤痕，本来是除却巫山不是云的美好，却变成了冰冷身体的物理摩擦。

这种来自身边最亲密的人的打击，是最难痊愈的，有些人选择了忍气吞声，有些人选择了两败俱伤。

这一集所对应的则是 1954 年英国成为了一个专门委员会研究应该如何处理“同性恋犯罪与卖淫”，经过 62 次会议、听取 200 个以上团体和人人所作的证词、长达 3 年的激烈讨论和质证，委员会主席 John Wolfenden 在 1957 正式向英国政府提交报告称“同性恋不是一种疾病”以及“任何成年人之间、在相互允许的情况下、私下进行同性恋活动不应该被认为是犯罪”。

5th Episode战争缅怀者1967 年，英国英格兰及威尔士地区正式取消同性恋犯罪，规定年满 21 岁双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

同样是将同性恋去罪名化，你可以将这一集和第二集做个对比，相对于现代小孩对人权追求的强烈坚持，老一辈的人当时的态度看起来要消极得多。

6th Episode城市里最安全的一角这一集带着浓浓的二战情结，大背影是 1941 年德国纳粹发起的对英国首都伦敦实施战略轰炸，这一事件在《他们最好的》和动画电影《伦敦一家人》都有着非常明显的体现。

在更大的和平需求面前，LGBTQ 群体的参与感并不比寻常人要弱。

7th Episode完美绅士这是整个系列里的第二爱，讲述了一个无奈的蕾丝边儿骗炮的悲伤故事。

我们权游里的铁姐儿 Gemma Whelan 在这里继续是汉气十足的铁T，将那种欲求亲密而不得的无奈演绎得淋漓尽致。

若故事有一半属实，一根干蜡烛也能把男人可以做的事做完了，画面感太美我都不敢想了。

8th Episode借来之物这一集和第一集并列成为这个系列的最爱，因为我们亲爱的 Alan Cumming 说出了同性恋人那些细腻又温馨的细节，说到底，我们都是无可救药的浪漫主义者。

而这一切得以温馨回忆的细节，都得益一个世纪以来前人不断地争取和努力之下达成的同性婚姻合法化（2013年英国）。

第一次相遇时，他闻起来有棉花糖和香皂的味道，一种合适得迷人的味道。

这部英剧可以说在我心中，称得上是2017年LGBT最佳剧集。

剧名queer在英文中的原意是“奇怪的，令人不舒服的”。

在上个世纪，开始被广泛用于指代同性取向人士，成为一个贬义词。

第一部大火的同性剧集《Queer As Folk》（同志亦凡人）也是得名于此，意指同性恋也是正常人。

近年来，随着同志平权运动的努力和同性取向在社会中的普及，queer一词已经逐渐脱去了当初的贬义。

而本剧，就以queer为名，为观众带来了8位普通人关于LGBT的故事。

这部剧集的形式非常特殊，每集20分钟，一位演员。

时间背景的跨度很大，从一战期间到英国确定同性婚姻合法的2014年，几乎涵盖了近现代英国LGBT人士的抗争发展史。

而地点，始终都在伦敦的一家老酒馆里。

演员的角色也很多样性，8位演员的角色从深柜的军人，到不满现状的80年代演员；从嫁给同志的痛苦妻子，到一心想追求自己幸福的Tomboy。

每位演员撑起一整集的故事。

第一集出场的就是我很喜欢的演员喵叔。

喵叔饰演的是一位一战退役士兵，在那个年代只能隐藏自己的真实性向。

在部队中遇上了自己的真爱后却不得不屈服于社会的压力，两人分道扬镳。

他对着镜头，带着点还念的神色，将自己的故事一五一十地道来。

其实很简单的一个故事，两人没有表白，没有互诉衷肠，甚至没有太多的肉体接触。

只是在车站，在黑暗中的一次触碰，就足以让士兵颤抖，含泪。

说到一半时，士兵会端起酒杯，喝一口啤酒。

啤酒沫润湿了士兵的胡须，士兵茫然地眼神望向镜头后方。

没有太多的噱头，角色走进酒馆，坐下后面对镜头，仿佛是在对镜头背后的采访者，也是对着屏幕面前的观众，打破了第四堵墙，开始讲述自己的故事。

他们的情绪也许激动，也许平静。

也许怀念往昔，也许期待未来。

每一位演员，都将自己的故事向观众娓娓道来。

就好像是在听一部广播剧，甚至无需盯着屏幕，仅从角色的声调起伏，就能感受他们的感受。

因为是独白剧，从头到尾镜头都只对着一个人，所以导演也采用了大量的长镜头。

很多时候，一整集下来，刨除片头片尾，真正拍演员的，也就三四个镜头。

这就意味着，演员需要经历多个长镜头的考验。

一个镜头长达5分钟，而且演员也没有太多的动作。

就是静静地坐着，偶尔喝口酒，耸耸肩，摸摸手，对着镜头讲述自己的经历。

我想，除了英国的这些学院派演员，应该也很难有人敢于出演这样的电视剧吧。

逐渐推进的镜头，脸上的每一道皱纹，每一次蹙眉，每一滴眼泪，都在镜头前展现无疑，实在是非常考验演技了。

好在虽然演技有高低，但8位演员都带着真情实感，良好的完成了自己的任务。

在我看来，这部剧集的可贵之处，并不在于独特的表现方式，也不在于对同性话题的探讨，而是在于对LGBT边缘人士的深挖。

在上世纪很长一段时间内，LGBT运动中受关注最多的，其实一直仅限于Gay。

而在那些轰轰烈烈的平权运动中，被边缘化的个体们，无论是本片中二战时期的黑人同志，还是身处30年代的却渴望自己成为男人的女同，抑或嫁给同志却能微笑回忆的同妻。

他们所获得的关注远远比不上中产阶级白人男同性恋者，他们遭受了更多重的歧视、更复杂的阶级隔离，却只拥有更少的话语权。

本剧能够将历史上大部分性少数派群体所面对的问题全都摊在台面上来讨论，对于一部总长不到3个小时的剧集来说，已经是很不容易了。

事实上，这不是一部荡气回肠的同性平权作品，而是一部属于每个普通quuer的独白。

我刚刚看了第一集，本喵视角，讲述一战中两个青年Perce和Captain Leslie的故事。

看完之后我就忍不住看了第二次。

因为第一次看的过程中我一直在想，哎哟喂，如果我的英文再好一点就好了，完全不想把视线从本喵的脸上移开。

为什么以前我从来不知道，讲述者的演技在一部纪录片里担当着如此重要的角色？

但是话说回来，《Queers》又是一部别开生面的纪录片。

它那么温暖，那么美好，那么...不冷静不客观，想想仿佛是我看过的最含情脉脉的纪录片。

暖黄色的灯光打在本喵的侧脸上，他时而压抑时而兴奋时而悲伤到难以控制的眼光透过镜头望向我们。

一场独白仿佛成了亲密老友间的呢喃。

他细细地述说着Perce1895年在火车站月台眼见着王尔德因为“与其他男性发生有伤风化的行为”被捕的场面。

眼神的对接让他们一瞬间看清了彼此，他惊惧，他害怕自己最后落得同样的下场。

在那个恐同的年代，他与Captain Leslie的恋情注定无法善终。

但是故事的结尾，他又来到了火车站，见到了在月台上站着的Captain。

在一片黑暗之中，他握住了Perce的手，放到嘴边细细亲吻，留恋不舍。

“那一刻，没有火车，没有部队，没有战争，只有他的嘴唇紧贴在我的手指上。

”多么悲伤而美好，多么绝望而幸福的结局。

Captain Leslie为Perce创造了新的属于火车站的记忆，即便过了许多年，他对当时的细节依旧记得清清楚楚，他一提到这段，眼眶中依旧充满狂喜与爱恋。

“以爱为名，你永远活在我的记忆里。

”

说句题外话，Perce的爱人和哥哥竟分享了同一个名字。

本喵，哥哥，王尔德三个身处不同时代不同国度的同性恋者在一段故事中隔空相遇！

想到这个故事外的美丽的巧合，我简直都要热泪盈眶了。

初看完这部腐国带着回顾自己国家百年来酷儿在各个重要节点的生存状态的剧，倍感兴奋与惊讶。

一直以来，英国在戏剧方面厚重的历史传统使得这个国家在表现任何议题的时候都不会让人失望，近些年来每一部制作精良的反应性少数群体的剧都无不带着先锋性和血脉喷张式的颠覆性，来挑战权威话语，来讴歌多样，来讽刺老旧，来鼓励创新。

《酷儿们》是部充分吸收传统后极具实验性光芒的、富有政治性议程的剧。

独白，这一在各种戏剧中都会用到但在极少情况下才会大面积使用的形式，却为这部剧、为酷儿们完成了极具生命力的呈现。

回顾莎翁的戏剧，独白总会在人物面临道德选择与人性矛盾挣扎的时候登场，灯光昏暗，时间静止，人物直接与自己对话，与观众对话——拷问，纠结，惶恐，畏惧，癫狂，无奈——独白用着最朴素的形式与装束，担负着最有感染力与表现力的使命：在麦克白杀害生灵后对人生的无意义进行反思时，在李尔王面临众亲抛弃颠沛流离时，在理查三世因为自己的畸形而被嫌弃表现自己的愤恨与不得志时，在苔丝狄蒙娜为女性的地位深感不公时，独白便上场了，一整段的心理倾诉与告白，裹挟着汹涌的穿透力与共情力，让观众看到了独白者多面的内心世界，有时还会呈现出与这些角色之前舞台上的通过动作和其他对话所表现出的性格特征所不太相同的心理活动。

是的，我想《酷儿们》敢于使用如此简单质朴却又富有力量的形式，在某种程度上是因为独白在表现复杂人性方面的优势：就像听一个老朋友对于一段感情的描述，就像一个在听陌生人将他身上的幸与不幸，也就像在听我们自己的现在、过去亦或是未来。

在接受这样的独白时，我们或者开门见山，或者迂回萦绕，不需要剧情的推动，不需要特效的辅助，不需要配乐的升华。

我们所接受的，只有文字和分享所带来的感染力。

这样的面对面，虽然在这样的时代容易被理解成无聊，但总保留着一份难得的真诚与贴近。

所以，这八个人的讲述中，除了带有点醒主题式的语言外，我觉得最有感染力的部分便是他们对于生活和感情中细节的回忆与描述。

这样的感染力，通过镜头语言当然可以完成，但这样面对面式的独白，完成的是人与人之间最简单也是最重要的一种沟通形式。

这种形式，提供了进一步理解的通道。

酷儿们的生活，才会得到更温情的展现。

是的，独白可以在某种程度上更好地体现人的复杂性，但我们在倾听他人讲故事的时候，永远不是被动接受，也永远不可能全盘接受，而是在这样的倾诉与接收之间，告知与被告知之间，灰色地带总会存在——他说的是真话吗？

我一定要相信他吗？

他在讲这些事情的时候，主观的角度是否让他变得偏激与不实？

他所流的泪是否是真的？

他的倾盆而出又有何目的？

换句话，任何讲述者都或多或少带着一些“不可靠性”。

我想，写到这里，有些人或许会讲，独白的真诚与“不可靠性”，这样的矛盾岂不是在削弱着这部剧的艺术性？

我的理解是，正是由于独白自身的矛盾性，这部剧才更加适合体现那一个个矛盾的“酷儿们”。

就像这部剧第三集小狼的叙述一样，酷儿们在文艺作品的展现实在容易被“程式化”、“固态化”、“政治正确化”，类似的情节，类似的人物安排，类似的角色命运使得“酷儿们”这一特殊的群体在某些时候总以一个特定的面呈现出来。

反而那些留守在话语中心的人，非酷儿们，“主流”人士们，却不断地在用新手法、新情景、新情节、新性格来展现。

记得《卫报》在点评前几年的性少数戏剧《香蕉》、《黄瓜》和《豆腐》时，也总在强调我们需要更多gay drama的必要性——只有更多，才能有更丰富的角色塑造的可能；只有直面问题，才能有解决问题的可能。

因而，在某种程度上，“独白”也是在为酷儿们争取一个站在中心当作讲述者的位置，在这个位置上，人性的复杂可以得到更加淋漓尽致的体现，酷儿们也可以有机会变得自相矛盾。

而这样的自相矛盾，不正是一种有血有肉，不正是一种你我共有的存在体征吗那当我们谈论酷儿的时候，我们到底在谈论些什么？

我们在讨论酷儿们在文艺作品中的展现需要多样化（所以本部剧先锋性了用了独白的形式来丰富酷儿们的呈现），我们在讨论性取向与阶级、种族、国籍、性别等各个变量之间的互动关系（所以我们在本部剧里看到了不同的年龄、性别、种族、阶级的讲述者），我们在讨论酷儿们的平权历史，我们在讨论酷儿们首先作为一个鲜活、也有弱点、也有偏颇、也会傲娇、也会无力与恐惧的人会是什么样子……这样的讨论，没有终结。

也不该有终结。

所以，我们在看这部剧的时候，会时常感到困惑与不解，似乎没有一个清晰的主线，似乎没有一个十分明亮的信息，似乎没有一个主旋律。

因为酷儿理论的代表人物Judith Butler曾在性别麻烦一书中用非常哲学化的语言说过，当不合此时常规的性别特征和呈现被操演许多次时，不合常规与合常规的界限便已经开始模糊化，人们就会发现所谓的“常规”只是一种幻想式的存在，没有实质性的存在。

因而，《酷儿们》这部剧所想要实现的讨论，我觉得是带着“永不清晰”、“永不终结”的美感的。

只有这样永不停息的操演与讨论，常规才会开始失去压抑的力量。

平权才会有实现的可能。

所以，回到《酷儿们》这部剧，它就是在用一种先锋式的手段完成着一次属于酷儿们的“操演”，在当下强调大制作、大画面、大冲突的文艺作品制作理念下，它用朴实的独白将观众带回英国典雅的酒吧里，静静地，听那些人，微微醉着，讲属于他们自己的故事。

ps.题外话。

其实看完这部剧，内心得到的慰藉很大。

这个剧表现了英国这个国家用了一个世纪所实现的东西，其实在侧面也在讲述，任何权利的实现，都不是一蹴而就的。

这需要许多人流泪流血甚至付出生命。

回看中国，我们似乎仍然经历得有些少。

这条路对于我们真的还很长，但我觉得没关系，我相信在未来的某个日子，也会有像《酷儿们》这样的剧，讲述着我们这代人的故事。

这样一想，真的宽慰了不少。